Welcome back to me, I haven't published lately because of school.
It has come to my attention that there are vampire penguins out there,
waiting to destroy the world. I don't know where they came from, why they're
here, or even what they eat. According to one of my contacts, who I will
refer to as Princess, there is a worldwide conspiracy to takeover the world
on the part of the penguins. Princess reports that the penguin lovers will
spare few, and that I will not be one of them if I expose their evil scheme.
Fortunately for all of you, I don't care much for my own safety, and I feel
that you guys had the right to know.
I think that the penguins first step is already underway. They have
established a base of high temperature immune penguins in the Galapagos
Island. The genetic data being gleaned from these brave, sweaty individuals
is then going to be purified in their subpolar Ice labs into a heat vaccine
for all penguins. As of yet, temperature has been our only defense against
these swimming birds, and now they are going to take that away to get us all!
The next phase in their plan, after the initial all out assault,
they'll mop up the survivors with ultraviolet radiation from the giant hole
they will carve in our ozone layer. Do you really believe that
Chloroflourocarbons can destroy a shield that has existed for years? No!
It's a penguin superlaser mounted in one of the South Pole's ice floes. They
plan to deploy this laser by way of a glacier, then bombard all of us with
the radiation that they have a natural immunity to!
Fortunately for the penguins, it's getting late, and I need rest.
If I don't survive the night, spread the word!!!
Stephen Deck, exposer of animal conspiracies par excellence
This letter is brought to you by Pepsi, Toonami, and TIRTEPI The
International Resistance To Evil Penguin Invasions
Nothing good can come of spending time with normal people. -Toonami